longing for passion
and exclusivity
i did the work
and created unity
all i wanted was you
but all i received were clues
to a puzzle
i didn’t know i was building
i gave up my time
i committed my energy
i was present
you were my priority
but for me to live
you have to die
for me to smile
you have to cry
i am telling the truth
no need to lie
i am deleting you
from by my side
jixi fox 🦊
it was too much
hard to hold
too much weight
to carry my thoughts
forward without a pause
yet i chose to not stand still
jixi fox 🦊
sometimes you can’t believe
but it’s real
right in front of you
they tell you to compete
with everyone
and carry hate
but they were wrong
love wins
where the crown
queen and king
jixi fox 🦊
looking back i couldn’t see my reflection
just a fragments
of everyone’s historicals of me
they told me
if i lived like this
there were benefits
so i did
now wish i didn’t
because who’s life
did I live
jixi fox 🦊
lately
and it always seems
like lately
uncovering truths
that were based in lies
disappoints me
crying alone
no one can see
even when i am finding myself
that therapy
sounds like
failure
fixing a failure
i have to be honest
but
fixing a failure
is respectable
it’s just hard to do
when everyone is watching you
it’s just hard
when you think
others are judging you
it’s just hard because
I can’t stop judging me
I need a release
of fear
jixi fox 🦊
existing everyday
some of those nights
rough
existing everyday
is sometimes
not enough
because what we not going to do
is sleep on my rise
for in the end
maybe the same night
you will be in for a surprise
jixi fox 🦊
i got so use to running away
tired but i still did
i wanted to cry
but i held the tears within
trying to be better
daily
struggled so much
just to not be unhappy
i had to love the process
each moment was a reflection
every failure was a injection
a fuel
to not experience that pain
gain
so a created elements everyday
to be sane
to never complain
until i achieved
jixi fox 🦊
one of the hardest things to do
is to let go
of my hand
i can’t carry
or lead you
only one
can’t be two
i have somewhere to go
and you can’t come
where i am heading is dark
it won’t be fun
stay safe, away
jixi fox 🦊
i felt afraid
and nervous
to reach out to you
feeling anxious
tripping over my thoughts
over thinking every angle
feeling like i failed
without trying
i wanted to tell you
you mean so much to me
i don’t have words
so i never used them
jixi fox 🦊